Alone on the Water
One thousand meters to go.
I row with no finish line, no home in sight.
Two thousand five hundred and eighty-two miles flown, from California to Virginia.
How many tears can you cry before your body shuts down from dehydration?
Just one thousand meters to go.
My legs spasm from exhaustion,
heart cramps from isolation.
But who ever heard of rowing in reverse?
Push.
Pull.
With every pull of the erg handle, I grunt out my last breath.
Sweat slides down my face, masking the tears.
Drowning from despondency, intrusive thoughts capsize.
But there’s one thousand meters to go.
My muscles tremble under a coat of gleaming sweat,
the air dripping with humidity.
Just one more pull, I lie to myself.
One thousand meters to go.
My lungs are suffocating.
Gasping,
Moaning,
one thousand meters to go.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
All I can feel is hot breath and sapped strength.
Attacking the next drive, I shove my feet against the foot-straps.
Deep breaths ‘til a dagger begins twisting a cramp into my side.
Only one thousand more meters to go?
C’mon, just one thousand meters to go.
Perhaps in a couple minutes I’ll finish the race.
Perhaps in a couple years I’ll be happy here.
Finally I fall off my erg like a body being thrown into a grave.
Like a soldier drowning in a pool of blood,
My mouth fills with saliva.
My gaze tainted through a lens of perspiration.
The tile floor cools my flamed face.
Cool as if a child,
face shining with joy—
not sweat—
just dug up moist dirt.
I want to lie under a tombstone,
one with my name on it.
That way, I know I belong.
I’ll know I’m supposed to be here.
Finally, I’ll feel the crumbly, soft earth welcome my tired body.
The sun cries trickles of light through the arms of an oak tree, shielding me in the shade.
I long to rest here.
But I don’t.
Instead,
I get up and leave a corpse-shaped sweat mark behind.
***
Claire Black is a junior in the Department of English and Writing major at Liberty University, and a member of the Liberty Rowing Crew. Claire loves creative writing for the way it shows her how to perceive the world more deeply and understand humanity on a more nuanced level. She aspires to become an editor after college.
